If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
