She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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