Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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