He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
