do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I've blown a few things in my day
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
