guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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