so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
