Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
