Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
As shirtless as possible
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
