I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
