I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
