My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
