So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
