In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
