I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
