I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
where am i from again
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
