why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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