I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
