my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
