Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
