Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Define "chronic" masturbator.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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