omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
