They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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