Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
