I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize