i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
