the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
