I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There's always time for handjobs
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
