summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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