whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
