If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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