We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
