there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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