k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
