Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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