He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
