just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
