If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
