Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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