The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
