thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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