you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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