What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So much rum. So many feels.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
