Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
