you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Naked Twister starts at high noon
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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