when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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