maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
