I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I am one with the molecules
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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