I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
