I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
