we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
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