it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
