you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
