Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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