You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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