I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
