peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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