Non-Jews are for practice
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
