I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
