operation have a gay friend backfired
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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