Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
