the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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