That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I need moral support for this bender
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
