I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
