They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
