so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
