Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
