yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
