They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
