the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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