That's when you crack a 10am beer
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
