Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
