it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
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that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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