Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
