Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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