oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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