another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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