I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
