I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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