Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
