I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
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You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
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I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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