4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
