We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
