I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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