I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
