y did u give ur computer a hand job?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
