I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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